Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
