Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
