You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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