I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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