So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
