My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
