We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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