M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
