bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
