Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
