I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
