I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
