Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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