you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
