Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
