I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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