Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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