I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
