Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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