the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
