shes about as inviting as chlamydia
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
