K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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