he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
