Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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