we have officially lost it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
