where am i from again
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
