just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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