i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
