it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
