I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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