i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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