i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
