brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
