I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
