i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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