gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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