They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
