I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
