it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
