she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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