sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
