Will you blow on my dice?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
