i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize