i need an iv and a liver transplant
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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