Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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