Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That was before I lit my hair on fire
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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