i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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