Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
