Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
