remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
