Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you traded sex for a burrito?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
