drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
