dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
