He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
