At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
