Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
