btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i've created a new STD.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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