FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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