ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
