I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
