i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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