Kiss
Puke
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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