sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
