he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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