There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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