Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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