I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
