omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
