oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
