That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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