My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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