yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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