Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
