we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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