I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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