They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize